While there, she developed two residential programs, one is co-dependency treatment the other is a family reconstruction workshop. Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, is a nationally known consultant, educator and author. Learning To Love Yourself Finding Your Self Worth She was the founding chairperson of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics. She is a family therapist who has conducted workshops around the world and has consulted with the military, school systems, business and industry, treatment centers and corporations. She is a past winner of the Mary Mann award as a top communicator.
I mean really it's beyond absurd — it's kind of warped. We say negative things to ourselves we would never say to those around us, even those we don't like. We berate ourselves in ways we'd never consider berating anyone else. We hang on to our failures for years, sometimes for a lifetime, and replay them over and over. It makes me sad to think about all the people in the world who don't even like themselves, much less love themselves.
Maybe you are one of them. I hope not.You may also be too busy focusing on others around you and not focusing on loving yourself. It is so easy to focus on your faults and everyone can dwell on their insecurities instead of the things about themselves that they are happy with. Doing this can cause you to dislike yourself. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? This can really hinder your journey to self-love, as you have to learn to be comfortable being with yourself. Are you having a hard time being happy with yourself?
But the odds are that some of you reading this would like to trade yourself in for a better model. Or at least trade in parts of yourself. Quite often we put ourselves down because of our perceived inability to follow through, achieve goals, earn enough money, or reach a certain level of success.
Much of our self-loathing comes from looking at what others have and viewing ourselves as inadequate because we don't have it. I could go on and on about the reasons we don't love ourselves. Our tortured childhoods. Our devastating relationships. The lack of opportunities or luck. The less-than-perfect body or face we've been given. These things all may be true. They may feel Learning To Love Yourself Finding Your Self Worth real.
They may legitimately hold you back in some regards. Underlying most of the emotional challenges we face, from depression to relationship problems, is the struggle for self-love.
When we don't feel worthy and can't accept our flaws and weaknesses, we either shove down our feelings which manifests in depression and anxietyor we express them in unhealthy ways through anger, passive-aggressive behaviors, or dysfunction.
Having self-love has often been confused with being self-centered or arrogant. But learning to love yourself first has nothing to do with conceit. Having an internal positive view of ourselves and strong self-worth allows us to accept ourselves as we are and appreciate what we offer to the world.
Regardless of all of your perceived flaws and failure, you are the only you have. Now you could wait to love this you until you reach some level of perceived accomplishment, beauty, or perfection. But as you've probably learned, it's damned near impossible to become a better person when your not loving yourself for the person you are.
When you can't see or embrace your inherent value, beauty, and uniqueness, you don't have much to offer yourself in the way of energy or motivation for continuous self-improvement. When we don't love ourselves or have a negative view of our self-worthwe compromise our relationships and every other part of our lives. We simply can't function at an optimal level and fulfill our potential for happiness and success.
Not loving yourself undermines your happiness with a variety of self-sabotaging behaviors, such as:. But out in the harsh world, we encounter criticism, comparisons, and judgments. We've forgotten how to trust ourselves and rely on our own beliefs and judgments. Instead, we look to others to build us up and manufacture our self-esteem. We are simply wired to focus more on our flaws and shortcomings than Learning To Love Yourself Finding Your Self Worth our positive qualities.
With all of these challenges undermining our efforts for worthiness, it's no wonder so many people suffer from low self-esteem. In order to embrace our true worthiness, we have to learn new ways of thinking and responding to the input we receive from the world around us. Acknowledge the life-altering importance of loving yourself. Recognize that everything good in your life hinges on seeing your own unique beauty and worthiness. Accept that all of your life successes, all love, and acceptance, all happiness, begins with embracing and loving who you are right now.
Examine your own values. Define your integrity. Create your own personal operating system for life, without relying on what others think is best for you. This ideal self should be based on who YOU are authentically, not crafted from the influences of peers, parents, the media, or anyone else. How do you want to look, feel, think, act, and operate in the world?
Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse is the founding Chairperson Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth Kindle Edition . by.
Start paying attention to the nature of your thoughts and how often you think negative things about yourself. Simply this awareness will help you disengage from the thoughts, if only for a few minutes. Diminish the reality and power of your negative thoughts by identifying them.
Look at what they are doing to me. As you become more aware of your thinking patterns, begin to filter your thoughts by applying the light of reality to them. Is it the entire truth or just my perception of the truth? Challenge all of your negative thoughts, and seek out evidence that contradicts your negative beliefs.
Do what you can to loosen your grasp on self-limiting beliefs. Envision yourself as your own best friend. Begin to see your higher self as the best friend taking charge and talking to your wounded self. As your higher self, think or speak only the words that you would say to your best friend in times of crisis or self-doubt.
Use affirmations of approvalsupport, reinforcement, and praise. Don't let your wounded self act as the spokesperson for your psyche. Set aside time to learn more about yourself — your personality, aptitudes, interests, etc. Take assessments, workshops, courses, read books and blogs. See yourself as an interesting multifaceted package to open and explore. Go beyond how you look, what you've achieved, how much money you have, etc.
Find out what moves you, what brings you deepest joy, what true intimacy feels like. Find pockets of creativity, areas of untapped intelligence, pathways to potential passions.
If certain environments or situations highlight or reinforce your feelings of low self-worth, change your environment. Play to your strengths, and focus on your natural aptitudes rather than struggling against something that constantly brings you down.
If you are surrounded by critical, judgmental people, this will further entrench your feelings of low self-worth. Find supportive friends who are easy to be around, caring, fun, and happy. Let go of people who put you down, try to manipulate you, or treat you poorly.
This isn't always easy to do, but letting go of just one negative person can have a huge impact on your day-to-day feelings. When you really don't believe you're lovable, affirming that you are lovable feels false. Rather than making blanket statements about yourself, identify more honest, but optimistic affirmations you can say to yourself. Improvement is always possible, and working on an improvement goal will make you feel better about yourself.
Accept what you cannot change about yourself. There are only two options here. You can forever struggle against those unchangeable things, or you can grow beyond them and choose the path of self-acceptance. Having these unchangeable parts of yourself doesn't have to condemn you to a lifetime of unhappiness. The opportunities for happiness in life are so vast, but our flaws are infinitesimal inky droplets in a sea of potential for joyful living.
They will dissolve and dissipate if you don't focus on them.
If positive change is possible, then do whatever you can to change your behaviors, choices, and actions to support your feelings of self-love. You'll feel better about yourself for taking action, but that action must be supported by loving yourself inwardly working on your thoughts and beliefs.
Sometimes the very thing we loathe about ourselves is considered our best, most unique quality by others. But as an adult, other people regard your personality or lifestyle as interesting and attractive. During the times when you catch yourself in negative thinking, switch gears entirely and focus on gratitude. Make a list of everything you are grateful for in your life — from the most insignificant to the most important.
Don't just jot things down quickly. Really focus on each item on the list, and think about how you'd feel without it. Study after study has shown that the regular practice of gratitude helps improve your outlook and feelings of happiness.
Rather than putting yourself down, use words of encouragement and support. You are as deserving of kindness as anyone, so set the stage for that by treating yourself kindly.
Being able to communicate your feelings and fears in mature, non-confrontational, healthy ways is critical to self-esteem and improved relationships. Everyone has insecurities, but rather than hide or diminish them, improve your emotional intelligence so you are less reactive and more authentic.
When we don't love ourselves, often we let others take advantage of us. Sometimes we don't even know this is happening because we haven't created firm boundaries. Decide how you want to be treated and what you will and won't tolerate. This may be difficult if you're accustomed to letting others have their way.
If others say or do things you don't like, or if you have ideas or input you previously held back for fear of offending someone, try stepping out of your comfort zone and speaking Learning To Love Yourself Finding Your Self Worth mind. You show love and compassion for yourself when you treat your body, mind, and emotions with care.
That means eating healthy foods, exercising, getting enough sleep, going to the doctor, taking care of your hygiene, having a support system, and finding ways to stimulate your mind.